cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
