I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
