my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just threw up on my dentist
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize