Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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