Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
