Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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