Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Randomize
