I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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