He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
