ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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