If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize