So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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