If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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