I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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