Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
