I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
