my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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