can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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