I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
this hospital has no fireball
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
