So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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