Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
