You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize