is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize