Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
