What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
