I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
