What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
