your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
