Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize