I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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