dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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