so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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