If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
