The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
