i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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