the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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