I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will be naked everywhere
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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