There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
