Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
