Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
