There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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