Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
