Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
