Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
