Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You ever have a fart follow you around?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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