Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
