i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
