he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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