lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
