Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
