So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
