we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
