I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
