You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
