I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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