yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
