If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
