I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
