I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize