Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
