I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
