And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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