Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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