Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
