I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
try to milk me bitch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
