i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
