Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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