Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I would fuck him just for his dog
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