If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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