Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
